There are few memories we can look back on from our middle school and high school years that bring us joy. Most of them are full of shame, regret and self-loathing. And a few are just f*cking embarrassing.
While we all have our own collection of horrible, humiliating and sickening moments, there are a few, like Ambercrombie sweatpants and awkward carpools, that we all share.
Nestled in that overlapping semi-circle of shame is that band or orchestra instrument you quit like a little bitch.
Don’t worry, there’s no shame in it. There’s regret — lots of regret, but no shame. We’ve all been there, we’ve all picked up an instrument, attempted to play it and cast it aside.
We’ve all been quitters — desperate, low-aiming quitters — and we’re all a little worse for it. But seriously, how many people do you know who actually managed to stick with it?
We all quit. We all share the same regret and self-loathing that comes with wondering why we didn’t just stick it out and become jazz musicians. We all wish we had at least one talent we stuck with through middle school that would make us a more well-rounded person today.
But the past is stuck there and there’s nothing we can do now but try to live through our unborn children and think about the kind of people we became because of those few years of lost musical promise.
Cello: Because you thought it was the bass
You were a deep soul with deep dreams. You thought you’d stand up against the crowd, but always ended up on the outskirts, looking in.
You may not always have the strength to stand up for them, but you believe in bigger things.
Violin: Because you had to
Let’s get one thing straight: You didn’t choose the violin, the violin chose you. Your youth was spent listening to your parents, taking their orders and working toward some great life.
You ended up disappointing them when you quit and it was all downhill from there. You’re the good kid of the family turned rebel.
Viola: Because you thought it would be different than the violin
You don’t really know who you are. You didn’t know then and you still don’t know now. You’re in a perpetual state of identity crisis. You like to stand out, but not too much.
You don’t need to be center of attention, but you do like to be a little higher pitched than the rest. It’s like you’ve always tried to find a way to separate yourself without leaving the circle.
Trumpet: Because you wanted to kill your parents
You were the difficult child. You were a little loud, a little weird and a little too spunky. For a short while, your parents worried about you, but you grew into yourself and you realized what you really liked was being the center of attention.
You most likely took off for a year or two to study koalas or to try painting.
Flute: Because you wanted to blow something
The only girls playing flute were the ones who were full of hot air. In reality, the flute was for the straight-laced girls who delicately placed their lips on their instruments and never made too much noise.
If you played the flute, you probably traveled in a pack and have really good hair. There’s no shame in that.
Clarinet: Because you were cool before you knew it
You weren’t cool enough to play the flute with the prissy girls, so you thought you’d settle for its ugly sister.
With time, however, you really blossomed and you became that hot girl at the high school reunion. No matter how cool you became, however, you’ll always just be that awkward clarinet girl at heart.
Drums: Because you were a little d*ck
Face it, you were, and probably still are, an assh*le. But hey, it wasn’t your fault you were so wild. You had severe attention-seeking behaviors.
You still find yourself scrambling for something that fits you in this structured world of rules and rhythm, but at least you never stopped being cool.
Saxophone: Because you were… sexually advanced
You come from a musical household, but you weren’t doing enough drugs to appreciate the art of it. While you have that cool blood that runs through you, you don’t always have the discipline to make something of it.
You didn’t realize it then, but you were a horn-dog with nothing but sweet, sweet loving on the mind.
Oboe: Because then even fewer people would talk to you
You really didn’t know who you were or what you were doing. You were always so aloof, sticking to corners and empty hallways.
You thought if you had to join the band, you may as well pick the instrument that rhymes with hobo or elbow. Your life has been formed by decisions like that ever since.
Triangle: Because you know who you are
Whether you chose it because it’s ironic or you really weren’t capable of anything else, you were f*cking awesome. You were the guy or gal in the corner loving your part. Because your part was special.
There was only one triangle because the band, and life, is only big enough for one superstar.
French horn: Because you thought you’d get laid
You’re a romantic, always have been. You’re grandiose and are always thinking of a better life. You fit in, but you really wanted to stand out. You just want love and passion on the Champs-Élysées.
Piccolo: Because the flute was “too heavy”
You really didn’t get through high school very well, unless you were an Italian exchange student, then even with your piccolo, you probably still got laid.
You’re still exactly like you were in high school. You were creepy then and you’re creepy now.
Tuba: Because you didn’t care about getting laid
You were most likely the class clown. You were spunky, outgoing and didn’t give a f*ck about what anyone thought.
You always knew who you were and, to this day, you’re still the most well-rounded person (no pun intended).
Bassoon: Because you thought it was a bong
Not that you ever made it to band practice, but if you did, it was only because you thought you could hit the bassoon once or twice. You’re pretty much still exactly the same.
Trombone: Because you wanted to hit someone
You weren’t exactly violent, but you definitely wanted to see what you could get away with. Your life has been dictated around that notion since then, as you use any excuse to knock someone out.
Recorder: Because you’re a badass motherf*cker
You rocked the sh*t out of that recorder. You did the best you could with what you had. It was the beginning of the end, back when you knew “Hot Cross Buns” like a pro and thought the world was your oyster.
You soon realized that some people just don’t go any further in life… and that’s OK.
Photo Courtesy: Paramount Pictures/School of Rock
Read more: http://elitedaily.com/humor/instrument-quit-middle-school-says/808630/
What The Instrument You Quit In Middle School Says About You
band, humor, Instruments, middle school, music
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