How Pretentious Are You?

“The only mashed potato I eat is truffle mashed potato.”

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Jeff Schear / WireImage

Check all that apply to you.
1. ✓ I prefer cold-drip coffee.
2. ✓ I relate to Sting a lot.
3. ✓ I consider myself privileged.
4. ✓ I have had a handlebar mustache.
5. ✓ I only eat grass-fed meat.
6. ✓ I only eat grass-fed butter.
7. ✓ Tap water? Ugh, gross.
8. ✓ I own a fixed-gear bike.
9. ✓ I use the Castilian lisp when pronouncing “Barcelona” and I am not Spanish.
10. ✓ I judge what people wear constantly.
11. ✓ I don’t eat in food courts.
12. ✓ I will not eat at a restaurant that has a menu with pictures on it.
13. ✓ I went to private school.
14. ✓ I would send my kids to private school.
15. ✓ I think less of people that went to a public school.
16. ✓ I wear glasses even though I have 20/20 vision.
17. ✓ I often quote philosophers in conversation.
18. ✓ I often quote famous writers in conversation.
19. ✓ I carry a Moleskine.
20. ✓ I hate all popular music.
21. ✓ I hate hipsters.
22. ✓ I have a hyphenated last name.
23. ✓ I have been known to name-drop.
24. ✓ I am proud to not own a TV.
25. ✓ I am a member of a country club.
26. ✓ I live in a gated community.
27. ✓ I carry around a book that I will never read because I like the way it makes me look.
28. ✓ I smell wine before I drink it.
29. ✓ I use the comment section of online forums to ridicule others.
30. ✓ I correct grammar mid-conversation.
31. ✓ I roll my own cigarettes.
32. ✓ I have had/do have an “ironic” haircut.
33. ✓ I have had/do have “ironic” facial hair.
34. ✓ I have declared myself as a “left- or right-brain thinker.”
35. ✓ I consider most sports barbaric.
36. ✓ I insist people take off their shoes before entering my house.
37. ✓ I insist people take off their shoes before entering my house and make them wear slippers that I supply.
38. ✓ I have eaten placenta.
39. ✓ I end questions with “perchance?”
40. ✓ I have a maid.
41. ✓ I would NEVER fly economy.
42. ✓ I consider myself a “social climber.”
43. ✓ I’m not very partial to dogs.
44. ✓ I’m not very partial to cats.
45. ✓ I’m a right-wing thinker and I let everyone know.
46. ✓ I’m a left-wing thinker and I let everyone know.
47. ✓ I have a wine cellar.
48. ✓ I call rap “urban poetry.”
49. ✓ I look down on people who use food stamps.
50. ✓ I speak Latin.
51. ✓ I wear khakis a lot.
52. ✓ I wear boat shoes a lot.
53. ✓ I wear a suit to all events.
54. ✓ I wear cowboy boots with a suit.
55. ✓ I take more than 10 different supplements a day.
56. ✓ I take more than 10 different supplements a day and I always tell people why.
57. ✓ I wear a hat indoors.
58. ✓ I wear a hat whilst driving.
59. ✓ I enjoy playing polo.
60. ✓ I have a holiday home and I tell people about it.
61. ✓ I have spent more than $10 on a pair of socks.
62. ✓ I have spent more than $40 on a plain white T-shirt.
63. ✓ I have a tattoo that I need to explain to people.
64. ✓ I only use pink rock salt in my food.
65. ✓ I do believe that money makes life better.
66. ✓ I don’t see any issues with paying more than $10 for a box of tea.
67. ✓ I use almond milk.
68. ✓ I scoff at people that joke about the number 69.
69. ✓ I can’t function without my Spirulina in the morning.
70. ✓ I read “Don Quixote” in Spanish.
71. ✓ I wear a lot of camouflage and I’m not in the armed forces.
72. ✓ I go to a weekly Bikram yoga class.
73. ✓ I enjoy discussing deconstructionism.
74. ✓ I read the “Game of Thrones” books before the TV show even started.
75. ✓ I believe that the book is always better than the adapted film.
76. ✓ I am a member of a yacht club.
77. ✓ I don’t wear socks.
78. ✓ I often think I would be a better parent than someone else.
79. ✓ I read the newspaper on my iPad.
80. ✓ Ownership of a boat is about the status it brings, not sailing.
81. ✓ I had a gap year when I travelled through India/Nepal/Europe.
82. ✓ I own a watch worth more than $200.
83. ✓ I get a new model smartphone every six months.
84. ✓ I complain about things others don’t seem to mind.
85. ✓ I don’t use public transport.
86. ✓ I carry a vintage pocket watch.
87. ✓ I would never be caught not having an opinion on something.
88. ✓ I use the word crudités.
89. ✓ I compliment others on their choice of words mid-conversation.
90. ✓ I only have an interest in genealogy to gain membership in ancestral groups.
91. ✓ My parents are wealthy.
92. ✓ I assume that the better things in life are more expensive.
93. ✓ I only buy organic or local food.
94. ✓ I only buy organic or local food and I talk about it all the time.
95. ✓ I have a fake name on Facebook.
96. ✓ I point out when I think other people are being pretentious.
97. ✓ I would be quite happy to be called pretentious.

How pretentious am I?

How Pretentious Are You?

You’re down to earth and understanding, and you know that there is more to life than material possessions. This probably draws back to the way you were raised — so thank your parents! The world needs more people like you.

You’re a little bit pretentious — but we all have our slip-ups. You generally know what is and isn’t acceptable socially, but every now and then your lust for life gets the better of you and find your ego growing. It’s OK, your ego is allowed to grow. Just check up on it regularly and make sure it doesn’t get too big.

You appreciate the finer things in life and sometimes that might cloud your judgement. Ultimately though, you are a fine soul with good intentions, and although your words and opinions might frustrate people at times, it’s just who you are and you mean no harm.

You’re kind of pretentious! And maybe you’ve decided to own it. You have a life of moderate luxury and that’s not a bad thing. The lives of others are still important to you, obviously, just not as important as your own.

You like to enjoy the finer things in life and people look at you with a snarl because of it. You don’t care though. You’re too busy making bank. Maybe some consider your pretentious nature to be a bad thing, or maybe the rest of the people in society are the pretentious ones for looking down on you for living your life.